“Hello Chaz, Ogi told me about your new car.”

“Hello Chaz, Ogi told me about your new car. A vintage Avenger, too!!! Not a lot of them about!”
“Yes Stu, only a couple of quid from Craigy boy.”
“Quite the steal, eh Chaz?”
“Maybe so, but it’s been a bear to fix. Brutal to get parts. Craigy told me Big Donkey would see me right with the documents though, but he couldn’t. Something about the Avenger’s VIN numbers. Ogi didn’t do a good enough job catalloying around the welds.”
“Can I take a look Chaz? I do like that white rose on the sun strip, looks rather spiffy. Reminds us of home, eh?”
“Yes, sure does. Do you want to give it a drive and we can go see Big Donkey and Muiry at Hampden? See what they think?”
“Sure, that’s great! Who’d have thought I’d get to drive a vintage Avenger! Great stuff! I hear it is eco-friendly and runs on ethanol?”
“Yes, that’s right. The finest red wine and succulent lamb. Only the best for my vintage Avenger!”
“Got to say that it runs well for an 1872 Avenger, was a vintage year Chaz. You are a fortunate man!”
“Hey, there’s Big Donkey and Muiry at the bottom of the Hampden steps. Look Stu, they are arguing with somebody. Who is it?”
“Oh, that’s some muppet from Raith. I’ll roll down the window and invite them for a test drive. Neil, David, Turnbull – you want a run in Chaz’s Avenger?”
“Haw Donkey, whit you think. Fancy a birl? Hutton’s a feartie and he’s no comin’!”
“Sure, I’ll come. Four can comfortably ride in that Avenger David. Hutton can just walk for all I care!”
“Allright lads, get in – this is the four door model.”
“Look guys, sorry. But something isn’t right here. The Avenger that Craig got from Minty was a two door. This is not the same car.”
“Och Turnbull ya muppet, yer heid’s nippin’. Same motor, ya jealous git. Green wi’ envy, eh Chaz!!!”
“No, sorry David you are wrong. Look Stewart and Neil, contrary to what David is saying this is most definitely not the same car. OK, the VIN number at the front match’s Minty’s and Craig’s Avenger, but the front was cut-off and then welded to the back of another right-off. This is not the same car! You been at it Charles? Cutting-up and welding together write-offs and passing them off?”
“Look Turnbull, only you would bring that up. It’s perfectly road worthy! And lots of people like Avengers, I’m doing this for the greater good.”
“Charles, this vehicle is not roadworthy. Craig’s car was a right-off. Hector put him off the road. It is not safe and you know it. Hector is mad enough as it is. Craig tried to take it to Europe and wrecked in Malmo. It’s a mystery why Hector never impounded it and broke it for spares, and could still. Parts of a vintage Avenger can command a good price!”
“Ah shut it ya big feartie. C’mon lads, let’s get gaun. Am in the back wi’ Donkey. Chaz you drive and Stu navigates. Yer just a muppet Hutton. Lets go frighten yer pals.”
“Look guys, I appeal to your better judgment. Driving old Avengers welded together from a scrapyard is not safe. When the welds fail, don’t come crying to me!”

For Part I of this story:

“Nice car you got there Craigy boy”

More parts to follow!!!!

Plausible Deniability: The Rangers Fiasco

The Rangers fiasco is now all about “plausible deniability”. I generally don’t do conspiracy theories, but I cannot shake the feeling that prospective owners and the administrators simply don’t want to be seen to put the final bullets into the corpse. Rather, they’d have others do the dirty work for them and – such as with the transfer ban (in actuality about the mildest sanction imaginable) appeal – are seeking to expedite the process. The response from the SPL/SFA has been (at best) feeble. Now its going to come down to UEFA/FIFA diktats to the SFA. This gives the prospective owners/administrators(/liquidators) plausible deniability as they attempt to rally the Rangers supporters around a “Newclub” or “Airdire United II” whilst attempting to legally escape from their straightjacket, plus make a packet in the process. Might just work, given enough complicity (and desire for plausible deniability, too) from the SFA/SPL(/SFL), connivance from other clubs, succulent lamb, and sufficiently gullible supporters (of which Rangers appear to have thousands even after all that has happened). But given that this situation is now on FIFA/UEFA’s radar and the potential level of moral hazard (particularly for HMRC) it’s getting increasingly hard for me to see how this isn’t about to get even messier.

“Nice car you got there Craigy boy”

“Nice car you got there Craigy boy”.
“Aye Chaz, braw eh? Took it aff Big Davie’s hauns, gied us a deal. Bit o’ a steal.”
“Chassis looks a bit bent.”
“Aye, but no bad fur a quid.”
“One pound, you got quite the deal!”
“Mare than the chassis bent, hale motor. Helluva expensive tae run an’ aw…..”
“4 star?”
“Naw alternative fuel – succulent lamb and finest red wine.”
“How’d you get the MOT on it if it’s so bent?”
“Dawdle Chaz, nudge and a wink tae big Donkey an’ he sees us right. Aw in the haunshake in these pairts.”
“Very patriotic paint job I see.”
“Aye – red, white and blue. Big Davie did a braw joab. Redid the inside, used tae be loads mare orange. Changed the number plate frae FTP 1690 tae EBT SDM. Pure dead classy. See the braw wee bear hingin’ frae its neck frae the mirror?”
“Hillman Avenger?”
“Aye, dinae see monay oh them nooadays. Oh, an’ talking o’ Avengers, he tried tae get that burd frae that TV show in the back o’ it wan time. Didnae go fur the flute music blaring out the windaes. Thought the beat o’ the Lambeg drum would get her goin’.”
“That tax disks looks a bit dodgy. Been at the clipart again?”
“Och, Hector’s oan ma case aboot it……gieing us grief the greetin’ faced get”.
“Penalty points?”
“Oan appeal. But got third party fire and theft oan it. Mibee torch it. Big Davie didnae want me tae break it fur spares. Loadsa memories.”
“Torch it! A vintage Avenger! What if your caught red-handed?”
“Aye, suppose so Chaz. That widnae dae. The wee bear an’ his pals might come get me an’ gie me a doin’.”
“Tell you what Craigy, lets do a deal. I’ll take it off your hands for 2 pounds. I’ll get some chums to loan us some cash to do it up”, after all it is a vintage Avenger. You can then get to drive in it occasionally.”
“Brilliant. A birl in it wid be braw. Big Donkey will see ye right oan the MOT. Just dinae take it tae Europe. These Krauts and Frogs will be all ovr ye.”

Questions for Mr McCoist and Mr Smith

Such has been the role of the Scottish press in the Glasgow Rangers fiasco that someone in Pyongyang will be as knowledgeable about their self-inflicted “bankruptcy” as a great many Rangers supporters. At least the North Korean would have the advantage of not being misinformed, or should I say disinformed, by “sports writers” – particularly in a certain Glasgow tabloid. There is a line that has long been crossed into blatant pandering. In the current situation there is a real danger in whipping up thuggery. Are the writers in the Daily Record so dependent on their succulent lamb that they will risk complicity in putting public order at risk?
I emigrated in 1988. I miss many things about Scotland – but certainly not the sectarianism that still infects a portion of Scottish society. If anyone in Scotland reads this and doubts me, then I’ll tell you where I am originally from – a place roughly equidistant between Larkhall, Lesmahagow and Carluke; the “Orange groves” of Lanarkshire.
For the press to begin redeeming itself, and in the interests of transparency, I would welcome any journalist asking Mr McCoist, Mr Smith, etc. the following questions: “Did you have an EBT?” “For how long?” “How much money was involved?” “If the HMRC FTT finds against Rangers, will you publicly commit to repay these funds?”  If they cannot answer these questions and would rather risk incitement then that itself speaks volumes.   We shall see whether or not they really do “walking away”. I am not holding my breath.

It wisnae me! I didnae ken! A big boy did it and ran away!

I am scunnered. Not with Glasgow Rangers but with the Scottish press.

Rangers have had years of financial mismanagement and tax avoidance that has come back to haunt them. Yet the Scottish press, certainly from what I read online, seems only too keen to dump the blame on one man. That this man – Craig Whyte – was only in charge since 2011 seems to be irrelevant. But the roots of Rangers dire financial situation go back into the 1990s. But to read the nonsense spouted in the likes of the “Daily Record” and even “The Herald” you’d be left thinking, “Jings, crivens help ma Boab! A big boy did it and ran away!!!!!”. Infantile stuff. Rangers problems stem more from actions predating Mr Whyte’s involvement in the club. Maybe if the “succulent lamb” types in the likes of the “Daily Record” had actually been real journalists rather than “sports writers” then Rangers might not be staring the very real prospect of liquidation in the face. Indeed, if anyone is complicit in this mess it is the “succulent lamb” brigade – if they had reported the truth this whole mess could have been avoided. But they are playing along with the whole, “I didnae ken! It wisnae me!” charade. Not at all unlike the banking collapse, “Too big to fail”, a compliant/complicit press and the risk of moral hazard.

So why am I scunnered? Not with Rangers. For them I am just sad. Really. This is a horrible mess and I don’t do “schadenfreude”. I am scunnered with the Scottish press, and “The Herald” in particular – but only because I have such low expectations from everyone else – especially the tripe from the “Daily Record”. My comments to “Herald” articles get stuck in moderation and are never approved. I never use profanity. I never even use phrases like “succulent lamb”. All I point out is the grotesque level of financial mismanagement that go back into the 1990s and how Rangers burned through cash. How if their FTT appeal to the HMRC EBT ruling fails then liquidation is inevitable. How creditors are getting shafted. How the administrators seem keener to get Rangers to the end of the season than actually act to bring resolution. How the SFA sanctions were trivial by comparison to Rangers own self-inflicted problems. How UEFA could take a flamethrower to our game, and may well do so regardless – and who could blame them? The moral hazard of deals being cut. And lastly how pathetic the press in Scotland has been in covering Rangers. Why no questions to key individuals about their EBTs? Is this a condition of interviews being granted?

Whether or not Rangers survive, in whatever form, the Scottish game will badly suffer. I support Kilmarnock and the likelihood that I will set foot into Rugby Park again will be sorely diminished if it is blatantly obvious that our game is rigged. And I’d want UEFA to step in. If Rangers cannot continue as anything other than a “newco” or fold completely a lot less money will come into the game. Kilmarnock and other teams could well end-up folding, too. But if that’s what has to happen to restore integrity then it has to happen. Scottish football will never be the same again.