“The Producers” as “The Rangers”

I recently read a remake of Mel Brooks’ 1968 classic “The Producers” playing out in Glasgow. Renamed, “The Rangers” the major roles fall to mysterious past, present and future owners. In cahoots with their accountants, they hatch a plan to rip off Scottish football supporters, played by “Little Old Ladies” in the original.
The plot involves secretive accountants coming in to audit “The Rangers’” books. They soon realize that madcap schemes have left them over a hundred million pounds in debt. The amount is so implausibly massive that it dawns on the accountants that executing administration for the benefit of the creditors is futile. However, they realize that their client is no ordinary business, with tentacles firmly gripping the highest level of governance for the sport. By being able to access these cronies, they can attempt to eliminate their client’s toxic debts. The connivance of witting or unwitting co-conspirators becomes essential to execute their plans. They draft in a mysterious American to lend credibility to their scheme.
The owners, accountants and wannabes launch their bail-out scheme, ably assisted by an all-star-cast performing and pandering across Scotland’s media outlets. A skeptical Scottish Football Association baulks, but the Scottish Premier League – promising manna from the Sky – saves the day for their heroes.
The story concludes with the perpetrators smirking smugly on the steps of the SFA offices at Hampden, after they have again fleeced the “Little Old Laddies.” However, as they leave the scene Michel Platini enters from UEFA and suspends the SFA indefinitely, as the bang of Lambeg drums is heard in the distance. Scottish professional football withers and dies.

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